99 Luftballoons Over El Paso

“The threat has been neutralized"

I’ve been to El Paso, Texas a few times. It’s a typical border town, and home to nearby Ft. Bliss. I would fly into El Paso and then make the drive to Alamogordo, NM to conduct photography workshops at White Sands National Monument. I also have a friend who until recently lived in El Paso. He once surprised me at the airport with his pet hedgehog, Jambi, so I could meet the both of them.

Color me surprised this week when I opened the news to discover that the FAA had abruptly, and without warning, closed the airspace over El Paso, Texas for 10 days. Ten days? Like, what the heck is that about? Measures that drastic would suggest some sort of imminent danger. Ah, El Paso is a border town, and we are supposed to be in fear of the people on the other side. Right.

Before I’d even finished my morning coffee, the FAA had reversed the airspace closure. Weird! A few days later, it seems the story came out: We were shooting at apparent drug drones with lasers. Vice magazine published a pretty good roundup of the event:

“The public explanation from top administration officials was that cartel drones had breached U.S. airspace and were neutralized. Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy declared on social media that “the threat has been neutralized.”

“What he means is that Customs and Border Protection deployed Pentagon-provided anti-drone laser technology without giving the FAA sufficient time to assess risks to civilian aircraft, of which balloons pose very little. Officials thought they were targeting cartel drones. But they were not cartel drones. They were balloons, four of them, of the festive Mylar variety; those shiny metallic ones that instantly let you know they are drifting away from a party and somewhere below is a crying child.”

Cool. We have anti-drone lasers. Sadly, I was really hoping I could call up my Jewish Space Laser, but I don’t have the right access codes.

Why does this scenario seem familiar? Well, in 1983, smack in the middle of the cold war, Nena dropped this classic 80’s hit:

Of course, here in the USA, we typically only heard the English version, 99 Red Balloons. And while there was definitely a cold-war vibe, I had never taken the time to translate the lyrics from the original German (although many of my classmates had memorized the lines). Last night, after thinking about the events in El Paso, I revisited the song.

99 Luftballoons, by Nena (online translation)

Do you have some time for me?
Then I’ll sing a song for you
About 99 air balloons
On their way to the horizon
Maybe you’re thinking of me right now?
Then I’ll sing a song for you
About 99 air balloons
And how something like this comes from something like that

99 air balloons
On their way to the horizon
Were taken for UFOs from space
So a general sent
A squadron of jets after them
To raise the alarm if it were so
But there at the horizon
There were only 99 air balloons

99 jet fighters
Each one was a great warrior
They thought they were Captain Kirk
There was a big fireworks display
The neighbors didn’t get a thing
And immediately felt provoked
Yet out there on the horizon
They were shooting at 99 air balloons

THIS SEEMS SO MUCH DARKER!

The song continues:

99 ministers of war
Matchstick and gasoline can
Thought they were clever people
Already sniffed some hefty spoils
Shouted “War!” and wanted power
Man, who would have thought
That it would ever go so far
Because of 99 balloons

Because of 99 balloons
99 balloons

99 years of war
Left no room for victors
There are no more ministers of war
And no more jet fighters either
Today I’m doing my rounds
See the world lying in ruins
I’ve found an air balloon
Think of you and let it fly…

In the original German, this song hits harder. A cold-war domino effect leading to apocalyptic war, all because some idiot goofed and misinterpreted the data at hand.

In the 1980s, we always worried about a reckless military, and who had their finger on the button. I guess I should be more concerned about it now. I’ll sign off with this gem from Genesis, which sums up that era pretty well: